hi, this isn't so much of a flatsound update, just a journal entry.
i'm taking a break from social media and other stuff. not forever, just a few months to focus on myself. i figured this website would be a relatively good place for me to quietly document my thoughts and progress in that time. i mean who regularly checks this website in the first place? and of those people, who figured out that you can click the text on the new home page to enter the website like normal? and of those people, who randomly decided to click the blog tab? not very many. i don't think so at least.
is anyone reading this? i'm not sure. but if you are, and if you did make it here, just know that i find great comfort in that. in you being here.
i should start out by saying that i do love social media. i love posting things online, i love it when people think that i'm funny or interesting or entertaining. i love making someones day brighter. most of all i love talking, i really do. it's all of the things that come along with it that become tiresome. it's the painful acknowledgement that i only show the world the best parts of myself. even i look at it all and begin to believe that it's true. that i'm fine. that i have everything under control.
and, i guess that's what it came down to. the realization that i can't allow myself to become distracted with it all anymore. i can't keep focusing on producing mindless content that gives off this message that everything is fine while simultaneously ignoring the finish line in front of me.
i hit a point recently where i took a long and admittedly very difficult look at myself. i walked around outside for hours just pacing back and forth in complete disbelief of my life. i can't believe that i'm still here. i can't believe that i haven't gotten better, and that i haven't figured this out yet. Read More