the radio feels good. it's always felt good. not just as something to listen to while going through the comfortable motions of your every day life, but something else. something bigger. something that's always happening, at all times, in different parts of the world. something that's always been there.
radio, even internet radio, is very old technology to me. it's been around for most of my life and has never really caught much of my attention. i'm twenty six and a few days ago i had no idea what a stream port or a shoutcast server was, but learning it felt very exciting to me. that's the thing about discovery. it doesn't matter how old something is, when you immerse yourself in it for the first time it has no choice but to feel new. and i think that's what i need right now. something new. something to be excited about. so that's what i did, i immersed myself in it. i became excited. Read More
today started out slow. the same old routine ― oatmeal, emails, a little animal crossing. and shirts, i folded lots of shirts. tomorrow i will continue to fold lots of shirts and hopefully put them up for sale. i'm still not sure if i'll post about them or not. i'm not exactly struggling for money right now and i feel so weird about self promotion. i don't want to rely solely on financial reward to justify the monotony of a hard days work. sometimes it's just nice to get lost in a repeated motion.
i don't mind the repetitiveness of it all. i believe that these little monotonous moments help, and that they mean something, and that they're part of being human. i believe that being human means that we hold our heads high and move forward through the uncertainty that they mean anything at all. slowly, apprehensively, for fear that we might one day undermine the importance of a simple breakfast, an ordinary task, or an undemanding pleasure. can you imagine anything more un-human than that? Read More
hi, this isn't so much of a flatsound update, just a journal entry.
i'm taking a break from social media and other stuff. not forever, just a few months to focus on myself. i figured this website would be a relatively good place for me to quietly document my thoughts and progress in that time. i mean who regularly checks this website in the first place? and of those people, who figured out that you can click the text on the new home page to enter the website like normal? and of those people, who randomly decided to click the blog tab? not very many. i don't think so at least.
is anyone reading this? i'm not sure. but if you are, and if you did make it here, just know that i find great comfort in that. in you being here.
i should start out by saying that i do love social media. i love posting things online, i love it when people think that i'm funny or interesting or entertaining. i love making someones day brighter. most of all i love talking, i really do. it's all of the things that come along with it that become tiresome. it's the painful acknowledgement that i only show the world the best parts of myself. even i look at it all and begin to believe that it's true. that i'm fine. that i have everything under control.
and, i guess that's what it came down to. the realization that i can't allow myself to become distracted with it all anymore. i can't keep focusing on producing mindless content that gives off this message that everything is fine while simultaneously ignoring the finish line in front of me.
i hit a point recently where i took a long and admittedly very difficult look at myself. i walked around outside for hours just pacing back and forth in complete disbelief of my life. i can't believe that i'm still here. i can't believe that i haven't gotten better, and that i haven't figured this out yet. Read More