february 17, 2017 02:14 am

today started out slow. the same old routine ― oatmeal, emails, a little animal crossing. and shirts, i folded lots of shirts. tomorrow i will continue to fold lots of shirts and hopefully put them up for sale. i'm still not sure if i'll post about them or not. i'm not exactly struggling for money right now and i feel so weird about self promotion. i don't want to rely solely on financial reward to justify the monotony of a hard days work. sometimes it's just nice to get lost in a repeated motion.

i don't mind the repetitiveness of it all. i believe that these little monotonous moments help, and that they mean something, and that they're part of being human. i believe that being human means that we hold our heads high and move forward through the uncertainty that they mean anything at all. slowly, apprehensively, for fear that we might one day undermine the importance of a simple breakfast, an ordinary task, or an undemanding pleasure. can you imagine anything more un-human than that?

the day was nice despite it feeling very short. almost like it was in a hurry to get to the next. or, rushed by the promise of something better on the horizon. still, through it's lack of activity, there was an immense amount of beauty. there always is. i love the stillness of an ending day. i hope that i never lose sight of that.

there is something better on the horizon. it's about three months away.

it's 2:11am and i'm waiting to breathe into the machine. i did my first session late again so i have to wait until at least 3am to do my last session before bed. the television said a lot of negative shit earlier and i wish that you were here to watch it with me because i think that anyone else would just tell me to shut the fuck up about the super volcano in yellowstone. 

i thought about the end of the world a lot today and i just wanted you to know that i love you so much. i hope that it works out for us because i love you so much. 

october 30, 2016 08:38 pm

so, i wrote a song yesterday and decided that i was going to record the entire thing immediately rather than let it just live in my head until it didn't mean anything to me anymore. i did that because i knew that, at least from a lyrical standpoint, this song means a lot to me. in fact, i like this song so much that i might clean up the mix put it on a future album, but that won't stop me from giving away this current mix for free.

i don't know. life is weird, feeling stuff is weird, but i'm really glad that i can write stuff as a result. enjoy the free song and, seriously, thank you for listening.

you came back to a place
where nothing feels the same
now that we both made a mistake
but honey you came back
you came back from everything
we wanted to end

but everything you wanted
you could find in someone else
that isn't quite as lost or broken
as this left me

so actually lets close the door
and i actually will turn the key
and we'll actually start moving on
because actually
you want to be with someone else
someone with stronger hands
to find the balance of being held
without the burden of holding back
and i just want to be myself
around anyone

so no i don't hate you at all
we're all just looking for something to look forward to
the little single moment that stops the earth from turning
a little piece of something that makes this all feel worth it
it goes on and on and on

i look for it in everyone
i look for you in everyone

august 21, 2016 04:28 pm

hey, so i just asked tumblr to fill my inbox with any questions that they might have. i like doing stuff like this, it feels so much more engaging than just typing cold responses to anonymous strangers. let me know if you want more stuff like this. but yeah, without further ado here's over a half hour of me answering random questions.

august 10, 2016 07:24 pm

here's another song that i wrote a while ago ago but never actually showed anyone. i wrote it back in 2014, the recording is probably from sometime in 2015. sorry that i do that so often. i write and record a lot of things, sometimes they just lost and forgotten about in old folders on my computer. anyway, you can have it for free if you want. 

i lie in my bed, with the things i thought that we said
and try to pretend that everything was dead
but you wanted to be in anyone else's life, right?
and i will forget i'm anyone else's type, right?
i'm nervous

and yeah, i've been talking to someone else
i really think it helps this all feel like it's over soon

say goodbye