today started out slow. the same old routine ― oatmeal, emails, a little animal crossing. and shirts, i folded lots of shirts. tomorrow i will continue to fold lots of shirts and hopefully put them up for sale. i'm still not sure if i'll post about them or not. i'm not exactly struggling for money right now and i feel so weird about self promotion. i don't want to rely solely on financial reward to justify the monotony of a hard days work. sometimes it's just nice to get lost in a repeated motion.
i don't mind the repetitiveness of it all. i believe that these little monotonous moments help, and that they mean something, and that they're part of being human. i believe that being human means that we hold our heads high and move forward through the uncertainty that they mean anything at all. slowly, apprehensively, for fear that we might one day undermine the importance of a simple breakfast, an ordinary task, or an undemanding pleasure. can you imagine anything more un-human than that?
the day was nice despite it feeling very short. almost like it was in a hurry to get to the next. or, rushed by the promise of something better on the horizon. still, through it's lack of activity, there was an immense amount of beauty. there always is. i love the stillness of an ending day. i hope that i never lose sight of that.
there is something better on the horizon. it's about three months away.
it's 2:11am and i'm waiting to breathe into the machine. i did my first session late again so i have to wait until at least 3am to do my last session before bed. the television said a lot of negative shit earlier and i wish that you were here to watch it with me because i think that anyone else would just tell me to shut the fuck up about the super volcano in yellowstone.
i thought about the end of the world a lot today and i just wanted you to know that i love you so much. i hope that it works out for us because i love you so much.
